I had actually thought a lot about the essay prompt for The Juilliard School over the summer and tried writing the essay a few times with little success. My first draft of this attempt at the essay started with two solid paragraphs, but I sat starring at the screen without any other ideas of what to write. The first time I met with Lori about my essay, she provided me with an outline of what needed to be added in order for my paragraphs to become an essay. I met with Lori again because I thought I had for the most part added what I was missing, but it didn't feel cohesive, it didn't feel like the paragraphs were part of one essay. She instructed me to weave my metaphor (and I didn't even realize I had a metaphor until she mentioned it) through all of the paragraphs.
For example, the first part of one of my body paragraphs, in my first draft, read, "My favorite thing about going to the theater is when I get to experience beauty, by which I mean when my soul is illuminated by the show such that I am brought to tears." and in the final draft, with reference to my orchestra metaphor, it reads, "Beauty is when the music of all of the instruments become one. My favorite thing about going to the theater is when I get to experience beauty, by which I mean when my soul is illuminated such that I am brought to tears."
What I learned from this process is that getting help from others can be really beneficial. Sometimes you need an outside perspective to push you in the right direction. If we had not had to conference with Lori, I would have remained starring at my screen without any more to add and my essay would have remained a mere two paragraphs.
For example, the first part of one of my body paragraphs, in my first draft, read, "My favorite thing about going to the theater is when I get to experience beauty, by which I mean when my soul is illuminated by the show such that I am brought to tears." and in the final draft, with reference to my orchestra metaphor, it reads, "Beauty is when the music of all of the instruments become one. My favorite thing about going to the theater is when I get to experience beauty, by which I mean when my soul is illuminated such that I am brought to tears."
What I learned from this process is that getting help from others can be really beneficial. Sometimes you need an outside perspective to push you in the right direction. If we had not had to conference with Lori, I would have remained starring at my screen without any more to add and my essay would have remained a mere two paragraphs.